Burned-out, stressed-out, and frazzled leaders foster organizations that experience high turnover, low employee engagement, steep healthcare costs, and dysfunctional teams that often work against one another. (Location 82)

They follow communication protocols for using texts, emails, voicemail, phone, video conference, and face-to-face meetings, matching the bandwidth of the medium with the significance of their communication needs. For example, meaningful conversations that include complex ideas and a full range of emotions are covered in person or on Skype. This commitment alone has stopped issues from recirculating through endless email chains. (Location 176)

We suggest that the first mark of conscious leaders is self-awareness and the ability to tell themselves the truth. It matters far more that leaders can accurately determine whether they are above or below the line in any moment than where they actually are. (Location 248)

When coaching them, we often use the tool of feedback. We gather lots of data from multiple sources and give leaders feedback about how they are seen in the world and about how they appear to be wired at a personality level. Leader after leader will interpret this direct feedback as a threat to their identity and go below the line. It is a natural reaction. (Location 272)

Shifting is moving from closed to open, from defensive to curious, from wanting to be right to wanting to learn, and from fighting for the survival of the individual ego to leading from a place of security and trust. (Location 278)

When leaders shift from below the line to above it, they move from the To Me to the By Me state—from living in victim consciousness to living in creator consciousness and from being “at the effect of” to “consciously creating with.” Instead of believing that the cause of their experience is outside themselves, they believe that they are the cause of their experience. (Location 401)

The By Me leader chooses to see that everything in the world is unfolding perfectly for their learning and development. Nothing has to be different. They see that what is happening is for them. (Location 408)

To do the latter, a leader chooses curiosity and learning over defensiveness and being right (two cornerstones of the To Me consciousness). Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?” the By Me leader asks questions like, “What can I learn from this?” “How is this situation ‘for me’?” “How am I creating this and keeping this going?” (Location 412)

The gateway for moving from To Me to By Me is responsibility—actually, what we call radical responsibility: choosing to take responsibility for whatever is occurring in our lives, letting go of blaming anyone (ourselves, others, circumstances, or conditions), and opening through curiosity to learn all that life has to teach us. (Location 415)

Just as responsibility is the gateway to move from To Me to By Me, surrender, or letting go, is the gateway to move from By Me to Through Me. For most leaders, this means letting go of control. When we first meet leaders, almost all have a strong control plan, where their ego is invested in the appearance of control. In truth, very little is under our control, but the To Me and By Me leaders believe the contrary. (Location 461)